Reply to Dreamed my father died last night. I'm estranged from him...I need some DCUM therapy.

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Reply to "Dreamed my father died last night. I'm estranged from him...I need some DCUM therapy."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Hey, thanks for posting that article. I read over it several times. My friends and family regularly urge me to reconnect with my farther, but I'm just not there yet. This dream has shaken me though. And I do feel guilt. That article pointed to several issues in life that are holding me hostage right now; "Abuse victims are more likely to suffer from depression, substance abuse, broken relationships, chronic diseases, and even obesity[u]."

I want to do the right thing, I want to forgive. I want to show my daughter and my nieces that I am the bigger person. But I can't. I just can't.[/quote]

12:43 again.  Something else in the article struck me.  Did you read the part about 'substitute spouse for parent'  - would people still be encouraging you to have a relationship with your abuser?

Forgiveness isn't a magic bullet.  It doesn't make you a 'bigger' person.  What you need to be showing your DD and nieces is that you made the right choice for YOU.  You have moved on.  People treat you the way you allow them to treat you.  Your father did not and has not treated you well.  The natural consequence of not being treated well is not having a relationship with someone.  It doesn't matter if that person is your parent, a lover or a friend.  Would you want your DD to experience what you've experienced?  I know I wouldn't.  I'm working really hard to raise my kids so they know their value and to discard unhealthy ones - that would include me and DH if our kids felt we weren't respectful and loving.  Relationships must be nurtured, not taken for granted.  Your father is a POS and you deserve better.[/quote]

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