Reply to How to gently tell ILs we will not be going there for Christmas

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I haven't read this whole thread but I just want to say that I was completely in your shoes last year and I'll tell you what I did and how it went.

In our case the holiday involved was Thanksgiving which is the big holiday for DH's family.  Unlike you I didn't change the plans when our kids were tiny (which I regret!) so we traveled for 9 TGs in a row, including at times when it was just insane.

In my case the discussion started when my ILs asked in April when we were there for another holiday.  I just said I didn't know our plans yet.  Then when we were alone I told DH I didn't want to go.  I'm sorry to say but it was a HUGE deal.  We had several discussions about it over the course of a few months, and my DH agreed to take a year off, but then when one of my ILs asked about it last summer my DH backpedaled.  He told me he actually wanted to go and wished he'd never agreed not to.

In my case my DH is a great guy who struggles with change so the idea of not going even once was a really big thing.  In the end we didn't go; I allowed him to make our plans (I wasn't asking to visit my family but to not travel at all).

I would not have the conversation with my ILs.  I know they felt very disappointed (even though we are the only ones in our generation who kept going every year).  I don't know exactly what my DH said but it was direct and gentle--"DW and I have decided to stay home for TG this year."

Good luck to you, OP[/quote]

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