Reply to DD caught me with AP

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DD caught me with AP"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  This is not a troll post. I don't know what gives that impression.  I am really really sorry this happened.  When I came clean with DH, this is what he told me. He is not sure what he wants to do at this moment.  It is very clear and has been clear for some time that our marriage has been broken.  The kiss is a symptom of this, not a cause.  The cause, he says, is our inability to effectively and constructively deal with intractable differences that revolve around careers and money.  Every fight we seem to have are around those two things - oh, and housework.  He also says that he knows that I've probably been seeing this guy on and off for some time, and that it is very poor judgement on my part to have brought him home.  "You f**ked up," he said, "And now it is on you to repair whatever relationship you want to have with our daughter."  He is coming back from his latest business trip this Friday, says he is not sure whether he wants me to pick him up at the airport, not sure whether he wants to celebrate Easter as a family.  He told me I need to get into therapy and fix myself and figure out how to go about fixing relationship with DD.  
[/quote]

I asked this on a prior page and you have yet to answer.

How did the husband know you were having an affair to begin with?[/quote]

Record of texts on our cell phone bill.  Lots of texts back and forth to the same number, unexplained long absences from home, "late" work, etc.  Also, once said he left his cell phone in my car and was able to track it to an address which was a hotel.[/quote]

See, here's where the potential XH bears some responsibility as well--if the goal is to strengthen the marriage. He gathered the info, understood what was going on, and did nothing. According to OP, admittedly a biased source, the arguments revolve around careers and money (I think housework is symptomatic of those two), which I suppose is the balance of making more money vs. the time expended to make that money.

Yet I see no indication that the potential XH sought to go to joint counseling to try to work through those issues. You mention the "latest business trip", so it sounds like he is on the road a lot. Meanwhile, you were absent from the home OP, ostensibly on your own "late" work.

End result is that both of you seemed to prioritize your day-to-day choices, namely to take the frequent business trips (potential XH) and to avoid your husband (OP).  Now that the daughter is "in the know", I think the husband should own the fact that he has been choosing other priorities over strengthening the family unit.

Don't get me wrong, OP was discovered going outside the marriage. What potential XH does is unknown, except that he did not choose to use information he had to address the family issues. His withdrawal and absences affect not just the marital relationship, but the parental one as well.

Perhaps that's why he wants OP to own this discussion, as he's responsible for some of the deeper issues that are not dealt with "effectively and constructively".[/quote]

This is not about her DH, even though the OP wants to shift blame on him for the FACT that SHE and SHE ALONE put herself and her sexual activity with her boyfriend on display for her children to see. Typical gaslighting that cheaters engage in.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics