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[quote=Anonymous]OP - from what you've written here, it sounds like your mother is emotionally abusive and extremely controlling (don't doubt for a second that she didn't WANT you to beg for her help you while your child was in the hospital).  Set clear boundaries as others have recommended.  Also keep in mind that your children are seeing how she treats you and this will likely color their treatment of you.

PPs who clearly have no understanding of this type of abusive dynamic write that your children will treat you the way you treat your mother.  As long as you explain the boundaries to them in age appropriate language, this will likely not be an issue.  As I said before, they are much more likely to treat you the way they see her treating you.  And trust me, these types of individuals (individuals like your mother) are very good at getting their grandchildren to turn on their parents.  It most likely won't be blatant.  It will be quite subtle - they will set themselves up as the "good guy", they will override your parenting decisions in front of you and your children, they will have little "secrets" with your children...

You've gotten some really great suggestions from PPs on what language to use to set the boundaries.  Most likely your mother will still throw a fit, because she's not the one calling the shots.  Stay firm!  For your sake, and the sake of your husband and children.

I'd also suggest checking out the Out of the Fog website and forum (http://outofthefog.website).  Whether or not your mother has a personality disorder, there are a lot of people there who have experience setting boundaries with difficult family members and won't judge you.

One more thing - you said she was angry with you for "not being grateful enough" that she helped you while your child was in the hospital.  This is not normal or healthy behavior.  I used to experience the same type of thing with my own mother.  Nothing, ever, was good enough.  You may want to check this out as well: http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/narcissistic-mother-survey/  When things came to a head with my own mother and I was trying to figure out what exactly the hell was going on, I stumbled across that.  I answered yes to 30 of the 33 questions.  That, combined with other reading I've done, and a lot of therapy helped me know what kind of boundaries to set with my mother that were based in reality, and not society's idea of what a mother-daughter relationship should be.

Good luck!  Hugs.

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