Reply to Mother's Anxiety and Holidays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here:

I hear what you all are saying.

I really hate being pitted in the middle of everyone's expectations. My parents, my in-laws predominantly. I don't have a problem with my sibling - though I wish I could have gotten a heads up that this was coming.

If they would all freaking grow up and act like adults, none of this would be an issue because it would be easy and or enjoyable to have both sets of inlaws with us for a holiday. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

It's very easy to tell someone in this situation to tell the parents not to bother you with this right now and who cares if they are mad. And another to know that the reality is that [b]this will be brought up in every conversation now from here until the Fall.[/b] The longer I choose not to answer the more pushing there will be. That's just the reality of what I have coming.[b] I have to deal with it or cut off my relationship with my parents.[/b]

I have a completely self-centered Mother who can't seem to grasp that life isn't all about her and her needs. I've always had to manage that and try to set boundaries as best as I can - much counseling has been had on this issue.

Anecdotally - this past Christmas, my sibling had my parents over on Christmas eve and for dinner on Christmas Day. They came down to see us over the weekend after Christmas. Mom posted a big diatribe on Facebook to her friends about how awful it is to be ALONE on Christmas morning. She was angry with my sibling for not having them over in the morning to watch the kids open their gifts. That they were ONLY invited for Christmas eve and Christmas day dinner. Just a way of showing you what BS and fake created drama we're dealing with here.[/quote]

Again, who gives a shit?  Every time they bring it up, you say, "Yeah, it's a bitch that this cancer treatment is keeping me from making holiday plans, isn't it?"  And if they keep pushing, you say, "Look, I've made it clear that I can't make plans for the fall at this point.  Let's talk about something else."  And then hang up or leave if you have to.  The only consequence you've identified is that your parents will say unpleasant things to you or post dramatic diatribes on FB, but (1) so what, and (2) you can always hang up or walk away or refuse to talk about it.  If you know its BS and fake drama, just ignore it.  Because as long as you make choices based on avoiding conflict with your mom, she is right in thinking that life is all about her and her needs.  Stop enabling that.  Accept that she's going to piss and moan.  Create a mantra to chant in your head when she does.  And then feel how awesome it is not to let your life be dictated by a self-centered narcissist.  [/quote]

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