Reply to Being a Woman, Manager, and My Tone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did the subordinate bring it up with you directly? Or your boss or HR? That sets the stage on how I would handle it going forward.[/quote]

He brought it up with me directly, which I appreciate.[/quote]

Then give him the benefit of the doubt.   He's not trying to undermine you.  He's giving you feedback.

It's possible you have an abrasive tone -- and it has nothing to do with you being a woman.

Lot's of managers have trouble striking the balance between direct and being abrasive.  And if your subordinates feel like you are barking orders at them (especially in a professional office environment), it affects the working relationship.

I have known male and female bosses with this problem.

Do you have other subordinates?  It's possible others feel the same way, but he was the only one with the courage to bring it up.

I agree with the PP about posing things as questions.

If you are experiencing issues with him getting things in late, then find time to sit down with him and address that issue.  Figure out some solutions.  "John, three times now X report has been either late or right under the wire.  I don't want to micromanage, but I do need you to get those to me ahead of the deadlines.  If I don't feel confident that is going to happen, I'm going to have to keep asking you.  I know you don't want that, and I don't want to do it.  So let's figure out a way we can get this back on track."

When you pose it to him as a problem you want to solve together, want his input in resolving, that sets a better tone.

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