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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Never really thought of it, DH is pretty controlling which is weird because he's very introverted, reserved, and shy for the most part and I'm more outgoing and friendly but def have a rep for being Type A. DH controls with his moods. He's not very expressive or articulate so he just shuts down or acts petulant until I back track and walk on eggshells to figure out what's wrong with him and initiate the conversation on how to move forward. It's not yelling or screaming and of course I always have the choice to not give a shit but it's still exhausting.[/quote]

This is kind of gibberish so please explain.

How do his moods "control" you?  Are you actually claiming that when he gets in a "mood" and "acts petulant" that causes you to behave in an involuntary fashion?

Do you not understand (of course you don't) that your assigning the locus of control of your own completely voluntary behavior to someone who obviously has no real "control" over it--that is, to your husband--IS your problem??

You're justifying YOUR inability or lack of desire to change YOUR behavior by assigning fictitious "control" of it to your husband.  Therefore, YOU never have to make changes in YOUR behavior, do you.  Easy cop out for you, but doesn't solve anything.

Objectively, as the outgoing Type A it is obviously YOU who is the dominant personality in the relationship.  You probably "overwhelm" him and his response is to "shut down."  Yet YOU accuse him of controlling you!  How ridiculous is that???

Stop trying to push him around, stop trying to dominate him, stop trying to push his buttons, stop trying to  justify your aggression towards him with a breezy "Hey I'm a Type A" bullshit and face up to the fact that you are probably a harridan and he is the typical hen pecked husband and your craziness causes him to withdraw from you.

Take ownership of who you are in the relationship and YOUR responsibility for YOUR behavior.

See the thing is you won't do that because you don't want things to change.   As annoying as his shutting down might be because it doesn't feed into your ego, you're still in complete control and dominate the marriage. It's just that he won't yield you COMPLETE or absolute control--he defends himself by shutting down to your tirades--and that bugs the hell out of you.

Tough shit babycakes.[/quote]

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