Reply to New baby and in-laws (venting)

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[quote=Anonymous]You need to establish boundaries. My mom is the one who is like this and it has been a life long struggle. My mom comes from a good place because she is excited and happy about the baby but the way it comes across to me is that I'm just a vessel, my needs are secondary to hers, everything is about her, and I can't be trusted with major decisions about my own child.

I would take this over with DH and really get to the root of what upsets you. He needs to be managing her expectations better. She wants time with her grand baby. And evenings don't work for him because that's his time. So figure out a time that does work for all of you. He also needs to do a better job of explaining your recovery and what you need (i.e. time alone with the baby to nurse and rest and recover) and that there will be plenty of time for grandma to hold the baby later on.

Make sure he manages the daycare BS. The bottom line is that if her advice is requested, you will let her know. It's all in the delivery but you really need to nip it in the bud. My mom had opinions about everything for "our baby" and that made me crazy. You need some short responses like "we've got it covered Marge but will let you know if we'd like to discuss it". Said with a big smile.

Btw my DH deals with plans with my mom in a bunch of "maybes and we'll sees" and is non commital. It works to a point. I prefer a more direct but also more confrontational approach and that's not a good approach with ILs. He can probably be more direct with his mother.

I wouldn't worry too much just yet. In a few more weeks you will feel much much better. Your MIL will start to relax and get into her old routines. You may feel more comfortable leaving your baby for short periods or using the time she is there for whatever you'd like at home or around the house.

Good luck![/quote]

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