Reply to New baby and in-laws (venting)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op I get what you mean.
Your mother comes to help and support you, your inlaws come to get to the baby.
I get it.
You don't want someone to come and take the baby away from you. Which is what your inlaws are doing and thinking it's helpful. You are a new mom and want to do for your own baby and handing her off doesn't help you.
Your mom comes to help you so you can take care of the baby. Which is how it's supposed to be.
I'm sorry people are trying to make you feel bad about dealing with people who wanted to "help" by taking your less than 1 week baby from you.
I think this calls for some direct and clear communication. You need to just tell them and your DH very plainly what you have told us "I don't want to be separated from my baby. I know that you think it's helping, but I want to be the one to take care of her, it doesn't feel good to me to have you do the things I have hoped, dreamed and prayed about being able to do. It makes me feel badly when you keep trying to take her from me. 
What I would like in terms of help is______ (and then make sure they include baby things, not taking out your trash).
I don't know if other new moms feel this way, but I really feel strongly to take care of DC and I ask that you respect my wishes.
(I don't know if it's the weather or what, but there have been a lot more mean comments on this site than usual. I hope you can weed through them.)[/quote]

The baby is 5 WEEKS old, not 5 days old.  Yet it is too much for OP to allow one visit per week from her in-town relatives, and she's still using a C-section as an excuse.  [/quote]

It's been 5 week of them hounding OP for visits, not helping and making her feel badly after she was in the hospital for almost a week post birth. I had an awful time with a Csection and was still in pain and exhausted after a month of dealing with infection, surgical pain, bladder spasms on top of round the clock nursing of a newborn. It can be very difficult and exhausting.
There is no other major surgery where the patient is required to take care of a newborn. Trying sending a GI resection patient a baby to take care of on top of their intestinal repair surgery and host visits and let me know how many unhelpful visitors are ok and when.
[/quote]

Op here, thanks so much for this! It has been a hard recovery--the day of the c-section I also ended up on mag sulfate-I had finally woken up and was trying to work on breastfeeding when my MIL and SIL came to the hospital uninvited, I then felt like I had to stop what I was doing to hand her over and entertain them regardless of the fact that I couldn't even see straight and was on pain killers and anti nauseous medicine. I also ended up with post-partum PIH and ended up at the ER twice then was admitted the 3rd time-all the while dealing with my MIL and her lack of understanding that I was in tons of pain and am still recovering. For those on here that have suggested I have PPD I don't but thank you for your support and concern (I hope you can hear the sarcasm). My MIL will not be happy with visits 1x a week for an hour, I have asked my husband to clarify how much time she needs to come over so that we can stop having this discussion and he thinks she doesn't know--she wants us to need her, she has mentioned coming over after work and staying till midnight to help but that is when my husband watches her and he doesn't want to give up that time. My MIL also sends me numerous texts checking in on me when I am home alone, if we have a pediatrician appointment she texts me- if she doesn't get the info she wants she also texts my husband) Also, before the baby was born she sent me a long ass email stating her concerns about my ability to select a daycare (this was the pivotal point in her behavior changing)-my husband always says that her intentions are well meaning but even he states that she is crossing a line and he is starting to get angry, the whole situation is exhausting!!!  [/quote]

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