Reply to My current boyfriend and his opinion about my ex husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see.  Very nice of you but I think many have separate parties and celebration on their own time which seems to work out best. At Xmas many do the day before or after, and the kids spend time with the other parent and that family. I personally think that's the best way. (same with BD, etc.)  My brother got his kids whereby he and his wife  would take them to our parents, and maybe the following week go on vacation.  I don't see too many that go to functions the ex decides to have.  However, I suppose if everyone is happy then it's working. It's what works for you and your spouse.[/quote]

Yes, we do separate holidays. We had one birthday party at my house because it rained that day and the party had previously been scheduled at a park. I'm not talking about "attending functions" together or having joint holidays. I'm talking about once a year being at the same birthday party for DD, twice a year attending the same ballet recital, and periodically both being at assemblies at her school for various things. We're certainly not hanging out together, but at this point, any time when DD goes from one house to the other that does not involve the transfer occurring at school and does involve my ex and I seeing each other's faces is tense because his new wife does not believe it is appropriate.  She made the rule that I (and my husband) are not allowed in her house at all, such that I have to wait on the porch on the (very rare) occasions when I have to go over there. I understand wanting to maintain appropriate boundaries, but in my opinion, consideration should also be paid to common courtesy. If the parent of one of DD's friends came over to collect her, I would not make them wait outside in the rain, because that's incredibly rude.

It sounded to me like the OP's boyfriend is concerned about OP's boundaries with her ex-husband. My suggestion was that the OP consider whether she actually has a boundary issue or whether her boyfriend's request is off the wall. In my case, early on, we did have a boundary issue, and I didn't really fully realize it until my then-boyfriend-now-husband pointed out that it was upsetting to him. At which point, I changed the dynamic. A year later, my ex remarried and his new wife changed the dynamic again, in a way that I do not believe is polite or healthy.[/quote]

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