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[quote=Anonymous]Very much btdt and and still in the midst of it. No silver lining or happy ending, just sharing my case.

This was exactly our story as yours -relocation for DH, we moved, and I couldn't find a good job here so I began SAHM. First it was a great all around. And I really loved it. The time with DC and the time for myself -- I've been working forever plus college and grad school. It was the first time I could take a breath, you know. But after a while, DH grew resentful. And he always seemed stressed. Sometimes he would burst and tell me how this is ridiculous and I need to get a job. We fought about this a good amount. Eventually I did because a good offer came up. Now I work very hard in a full time demanding role . It's a well paying job in my field but DC are in school and then aftercare for a total of 11 hours per day, the evenings feel like a scramble from pick up to dinner to hw checking to bathtub and bedtime routine. Then up in 7hours to do it all again. Then the weekends come and I'm so fucking tired. I don't do much beyond work and home, and I don't feel as healthy as I did before since I'm always tired and not taking the best care of myself since I have zero time for me. That said,  I do mostly enjoy my work and it was definitely  nice (& challenging, scary, learn oppotuntiy)to go from SAHM to a director running a team, but I have NO balance now. I went from one extreme to the other and I don't think it's a long term plan when I think of the entirety of what I want my life to be.

The PP hit it on the head when she said SAH duties for a woman feels like mysogny. These would be my fights with DH- felt he didn't appreciate all I did, he resented me for being home, and on top of that stopped even taking his dishes & and I was having to "ask" for money when I need it. Or just being accountable to him about the credit card etc. I hated that so much and just felt shitty about myself for it. So now It is certainly nice to have my own money and just all around, we have more money and don't really fight about money anymore.

And DH has stepped up. He picks up DC most nights, spends more time with them, does laundry etc. But he also works a much more flex schedule (he is a senior vp and has a lot of autonomy) but I find myself resentful of his flex to go to the gym at 8 or 9am and then go to work at like 10. To work from home when he feels like it, etc. I find myself jealous of his freedom and missing my own. I also get really angry thinking about his 10 hour days when I wasn't working. He was never home! And now he has all this flex and freedom and seems to just work less. Is it because he's less stressed now and feels he can rest? Or maybe he was cheating? I do wonder about this.

All this to say, I'm back and work and now and while some things are good, I am the one who is resentful now.

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