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[quote=Anonymous]

OP -  It would seem that you and DH need to have a "sit down" with both daughters and let them know there will some new "house rules."

1- Dinner dishes are now going to be a task done by or at least shared by both girls.  The minimum would be they take turns clearing all dishes into the dishwasher and learning to store any left over food.  Washing the pots and pans would be however you want to handle it.  You and DH would leave the table and go watch the news.  This could be a flexible arrangement if there were school events, but the schedule would be set up.

2- Laundry for DD13 will now be done by her with you showing her how to do it.  DD9 can learn to do a weekly tub of towels as well as her set of sheets as needed to introduce her to the skils.

3 - Both daughters will be responsible for changing their own bed sheets as you see fit and running them through the washer.

Obviously there are other household tasks that you and DH can start to add by summer time for Ms.Princess such as preparing and packing her own lunch for school or camp or if at home and cleaning up from it.  Also learning to help with meal prep, dust vacuum, clean a bathroom etc.

More importantly,  however, is her lack of respect for you which must be the priority to nip in the bud NOW.  I would let her know  in no uncertain terms that if she defies a direct command from you as she did on the TV, you will not take her on because she will know what the consequences will be that you and DH will choose depending on the siituation:

1- Turn in her cell phone for a week.  And  this means no calls from friends on any other phone in the house.

2- No screen time meaning on the computer or tv - unless directly doing homework in open space.

3- Doing the dinner dishes on her own for one week - no matter the activity.

You are reaching the hardest period of parenting when kids will test the limits and buck the rules, but if you stay the course, your daughters will likely thank you DD will likely thank you for doing so in about eight years.  You should not have to explain your daily life to her for any reason.  It sounds as it for your mental health dealing with Ms. Brat that you will benefit from being out of the house and encountering other adults.  Do not feel like you need to rush back into the work world, but it might be time to entertain if there is something you could see yourself doing in the future that might be come attainable by taking some classes, renewing a professional license or even exploring options for part-time.  Or if you had a skill set you could use in a volunteer capacity giving some thought to that such as health care, law, business or teaching.

A final thought about older DD - what does she do during the summer -- because it sounds like she is one who might benefit from doing some volunteer work in the next year or two and seeing the other side of life.   Try to do some research on options even for next summer to give her a choice, but definitely keep it mind.  Also, if you do not come down hard on house rules, there is likely to be disrespect for your views on other teen vices, too.
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