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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, what in particular are you upset about? Are they turning you down when you ask? Not feeling welcome to ask more? Inequity of babysitting distribution? Unless they keep taking your SIL's kids and turning down your requests, I don't understand what a big deal is. Chances are they are not giving it as much thought as you do, and render assistance when family ask for it.

On the other hand, I get the dynamic you're hinting on. [b]There is a subset of older women who weirdly prefer their daughter's children. Chuck it up to paternal uncertainty. [/b]You know how in certain cultures a man closest blood relative is not his child, but his sister's child? Something along those lines, subconsciously. I didn't realize this until I grew up, but my fucked in the head grandma strongly preferred her daughter's son over me, her son's daughter. My mother knew it, but shielded me from the ugliness of my dad's family as much as she could. I never had any sort of relationship with my paternal grandparents, and it's too bad, but not the worst thing in the world, really.[/quote]

This is true, it is sub-generational.  Older grandmothers prefer their daughters children - it is narcissistic behavior. Probably leftover guilt about their own dad issues, and the daughter's father not being interested.  Younger grandmothers don't seem to have this problem.

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I don't think it is actively preferring the children or in any way "classic narcissistic" behavior. It is, as may other posters have suggested, a comfort level thing.  It's like the old adage, "you're son is your son until he takes a wife, your daughter is your daughter for the rest of her life."  [/quote]

No.  You (and grandmothers who heed this) are making excuses not to pay attention to the son's wife and children.  We all know what is going on.  Especially if the son married someone totally different than the son's mom (on purpose, I might add).  The narcissistic MIL sees that as a personal affront - because, after all, "it's all about her (MIL)".

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