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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm in the "just go" camp, I think.  Are these invitations with the kids as well?  Or parents only?  And does your son have any opinions on them?

You say that it's like you were previously invisible, and now you're not...and I suspect that's kind of true.  Not invisible so much, but maybe not someone they thought they had something in common with.  This is similar to how you describe your initial assessment of them.  Now that your kids' are all friends, there's a clear commonality.  And if these are groups of people that vacation together etc, it seems pretty natural they would want to know their kids' new friend as well.    Do I think you should become their best friend and have your social life revolve around them?  I don't.  But a dinner invitation that gives you the opportunity to be on friendlier terms with the people who raised the kids your son spends a lot of time with...that sounds like a no brainer.

To give you an example, in middle school I was really close friends with another girl (we started to drift apart more in high school).  Our parents' had a little in common (same profession) but otherwise would not be friends.  During those years, though, they became more than superficially close.  They didn't socialize extensively, but my mom would often stop in and chat with her dad (they had a lot in common professionally) for a while when dropping me off and vice-versa.  Their friendship faded as ours did, but in the meantime I think this is just natural...and even nice for the kids.  I at least kind of liked the fact that my parents liked my BFF's parents even if they weren't besties.

Another thing I would note, though, is that there is an [b]underlying tone to your OP that suggests you think these parents are somehow trying to ride the coattails of your son's popularity.  That's a really unhealthy way to think and even suggests that you yourself feel a little twinge of jealousy of your son's popularity (in fact, your whole post sets up the difference between your social life and his)[/b].  I don't think you have social anxiety, but maybe you're a bit insecure.  It might be worth exploring this a bit. [/quote]

OP Here you could not be more wrong in what you though I was insinuating, absolutely not. You certainly got that wrong, i am thrilled for my son and do not think these people need to write the coattails of my sons popularity, the implication is pretty absurd.

To address what many have said about not being sure if I was snubbed or its my own hallucination- yes i was snubbed a few times in fact. When we first were there, at every meeting I made an effort to speak to and get to know various parents, these very same parents who are now making an effort barely said hello or they would say the very bare minimum and then walk off to meet their circle. I found them rude from the getgo, there was not a single ounce of effort or friendliness, trust me I was there an it was quite obvious. I soon realized I didn't need them if they had no interest in me.

Only as the kids have gotten older and my son has risen to the top (hate the term but its the only way to get the point across) have they suddenly taken notice and now because it's in THEIR best interest or they have something to gain because it serves them, are they suddenly mildly interested whereas they were rude and cold to me when I needed a friend the most (when I got there and knew no one), I also had invited a group of them to my home for coffee the second year I was there to reach out one more time and most said yes but 2 days before one of them changed a bday luncheon to which many of them were invited and about 6 or 7 of them cancelled on me to attend the luncheon. The only ones that did come were not invited or part of that circle.

I have a great marriage, a wonderful family life, good kids, a nice home, am financially comfortable and sound, a career that is a dream for me and that I wake up every morning excited to have, we get to travel and do the things most work hard to accomplish, i have a small group of well educated, kind, interesting friends. I am truly really satisfied with my life. I do not see why I should have to push myself to go into a situation with people who I have really nothing in common with and who were less than gracious at a time where there was nothing in it for them....which is precisely why they behaved that way.

I sent my son to this school because its an outstanding school where he has gotten a fantastic education and has thrived. We suspected this was the right school for him and we were right but as someone said this is his experience not ours and thankfully he is doing a fine job. I will not name the school as someone has asked-  because A. it is not necessary and B. because someone on this board could well be a parent and it would not be impossible to figure this out....

I have never been, unlike many especially at his school one to be caught up in the social whirl, to be consumed with so and so's wealth and/or status, just not really my thing. And my son is very much like that as well which is why I suspect he is so well liked and respected, he marches to the beat of his own drum and is a natural leader, he really doesn't care if we go or not and his exact words were "Mom go if you want to but don't do it for me,its really not a big deal".

All that said, I told my H if he really wants to go I will accompany him but if it were up to me I would graciously bow out. I am really fine with things just the way they are. I respectfully understand everyone has  a different opinion but this is how I feel and I am not going to apologize for it. I appreciate the input though and promise if we go to come back and tell you how things went :-) [/quote]

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