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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Communication is supposedly key, but I can't figure out how to go about letting my wife know that I think sex needs to be more of a priority without turning it into a chore.

Since I'm the one who wants sex more, I know that I'm the one who has to put most of the effort into our sex life. I've tried to do what I can: improve my appearance, more chores, dates, give her more "me" time, massages, nonsexual touch, avoid pressuring her for sex, make sure she has an orgasm, etc. None of it seems to move the meter in terms of our sexual frequency. She seems to just forget about it and lets life get in the way. So, much as I would like her to just spontaneously want to have sex with me, I think the missing element is her making sex a priority.

It's probably been two years or more since the last time I discussed my concerns over the lack of frequency in our sex life. It didn't go terribly well. She cried. I felt horrible for making her cry. She said she felt like a bad wife and like I was going to divorce her. I said there was no way I was going to divorce her. Then sex got more awkward.

For what it's worth, we have sex about once every 3 weeks. I'd be happy with once a week. Our youngest kid is 10 years old.

Anyway, I don't know if it's possible to discuss the matter without making her sad and making her feel pressured and awkward about the sex we do have. [/quote]

I was hopeful for you until you said your youngest was 10.  You probably need to realize you are going to only make minor improvements to your sex life and your wife will never meet you halfway.

One thing that helped me, I started treating my wife like my affair partner.  I met her at lunch when the kids were in school for nooners, she had more energy.   I also kept the conversation going, and it always led to her crying but it did remind her that sex was important to me, even if it wasn't for her.  When we had sex and I knew she wasn't really in the mood, I just selfishly took charge and f#$ked her, it was quick and decent for me and she liked the aggression, would sometimes surprise me by responding but if not we were at least done in 10 minutes so I didn't feel bad about taking up too much of her time.

Our sex life improved some when our youngest hit 5.  I had some indiscretions that I am not proud of but helped me stay married and sane during some really bad droughts.  Affairs solve one problem and create 10 more, so be careful.

Good luck, you seem like a really good man.[/quote]

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