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[quote=Anonymous][quote] I don't suppose there's any way of convincing these people that my husband isn't a failure and my brother isn't as amazing as he seems?[/quote]

No, and it isn't important to convince them of that.  The only reason that this is feeling so bad to you is that you care what they think of your DH as compared to your brother.  You need to care less, ignore it as long as they are not being overtly rude, and politely but assertively shut it down when thy are.   For example, you say your mom said:

how it's just too bad that my husband can't be successful and he must have done something to end up where he did.

My response would be, "mom, DH is a good person and has a good job.  I don't feel he's successful, and I think its rude for you to say he is.  Let's try to have a nice holiday and talk about something besides work."

Some of what they are doing sounds really inappropriate, but some of it sounds like you are having a bad reaction because you are jealous.  You say you were annoyed because your mom called to tell you your brother got a promotion and to send a card - I wouldn't send a card because it is old fashioned, but I'd email my sister to say congrats if she got a promotion.  That really doesn't have anything to do with your husband, other than the fact that they happen to be in the same field.

Life is not a contest.  I work, but am not nearly as successful as most of the people I went to graduate school with because I took time off to SAH.  I have a decent job, and there's no reason to feel bad about it or compare myself to other people.  I don't need to be as successful as them to be happy or a good person.  [/quote]

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