Reply to Emotional Labor - a good read for men AND women

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[quote=Anonymous]This reminds me of that old adage about how women always think they can change men... they can't. You probably saw signs of him being like this before you were married and glossed over them instead of addressing them back then. You thought these issues wouldn't ever become more important than your love for each other. We've all done that. That sucks, but you miscalculated and now you're paying the price. If you lived together for more than 2 years and still didn't see it coming, then shame on you for being in denial. You should have had a talk back then about dividing the household chores equally, with each of you accepting the ones you mind the least/care about the most and agreeing to do your part. I hate cooking but don't mind laundry, so I do laundry and he cooks. See how that works? If he doesn't hold up his end of the bargain, no one's forcing you to marry him and subject yourself to a life of enslavement!

That only covers the physical labor, though. The emotional labor is harder, because you don't always realize what's required or expected before you get married. Or how frikkin crazy his family is. Or how children will change things. You do have to enforce boundaries with family members. Repeatedly. Some of those relationships will suffer for it. That's not your fault. Your kids will learn how to deal, with your guidance. You can approach these subjects with your husband, but if he choses not to engage, how is resenting him going to help? Let go of what you can't control.

To recap, 1) you can't change someone by marrying them; 2) you can't control everything so stop trying.[/quote]

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