Reply to Emotional Labor - a good read for men AND women

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not the PP to whom you respond, but in game theory, [b]the model is more generally applicable in terms of "cooperating" or "defecting"[/b].  In this way the prisoner's dilemma is more generally applicable to a wide range of situations beyond the plea deal dilemma described in the original prisoner's dilemma.  If you think about it, parenting is a bit like a prisoner's dilemma in terms of decisions to cooperate or defect.........[/quote]

I understand, but I think if you view the choice of possible responses to either cooperating or defecting (versus sitting on your hands or just doing the level that suits you) then you are giving into a [i]false[/i] dilemma.  In this case it implies you either "cooperate" (do what your spouse wants) or "sabotage" (undermine what they want)...and even that is, at best, a tortured fit of the model to the circumstances.  Nevermind that the reward structures are completely wrong as well.  There are plenty of alternative options here: clean, but maybe not as much as your spouse wants.  Be willing to accompany spouse (and children) to church, but don't take the responsibility for getting the kids ready; you could agree that, despite being an atheist yourself, you're willing to compromise and allow the children to attend Church..see, very quickly the artificial constraints fall away.

There are certainly situations where there are mutually exclusive choices to be made about parenting, but how much to act as go-between for the ILs and DH isn't one of them; neither is how much tidying/cleaning you do.  None of these "emotional labor" examples are mutually exclusive choices.  [/quote]

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