Reply to OW how do you feel knowing he will never leave her for you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All of this is sad.  I get the OP's bitterness because my husband had a mistress for around nine months.  I definitely do not like her and think she is not morally upstanding.  She is married with three kids.  I have not outed her, even though she is a raging hypocrite who is very involved in church and claims to be this amazing mom (who "worked" overnights with my husband for months, but somehow she is mother of the year).  I haven't outed her because I just cannot deal with one more bit of hell from this and I need to try to put it behind me.  So, I have bitterness, obviously, and it is unfair that I am the one suffering while she just glides along without having to deal with the wreckage she and my husband caused.  So, I completely understand where the OP is coming from.

BUT, OP seems like she is trying to prop herself up by putting this other woman down.  Not that I'm against putting the OW down, but that won't make OP feel better.  Best thing is to try to get past it because life, unfortunately, is unfair and hating the OW won't make OP move on.

I also don't seem to get the people who out everything on the cheating spouse and not the other person.  Believe me, I blame my husband and what he has done is utterly terrible.  But why does that let the other woman off the hook?  It takes two to tango, as they say, and while she did not say vows to me, there is a basic social contract that you should respect socially founded boundaries.[/quote]

PP, Why don't you get a divorce?

At the very least, stop pretending to be a friend to OW, who obviously is a snobby, self-righteous, pretentious b*tch, but you're not helping your marriage by giving her an ego boost with thinly veiled rage.

Put your rage on your husband, who deserves it. You're not doing it now. If you really need to get it out of your system, go ahead and call AP's husband and let her feel the turmoil you're feeling, but be careful. You never knows who has a gun collection in the DMV, and AP's husband could well be a raging psycho who knows all about her affairs and either doesn't care, puts up with it or has his own affairs.

The point is that these threads are victim-driven. I had the constant litany of "go into therapy," but many posters need it. Others simply need to divorce and move on with their lives.

Starting threads like this all the time makes you sound crazy.[/quote]

I'm the PP.  I am not friends with the woman.  She worked with my husband and I have met her several times back when I didn't know she was a mistress.  I haven't interacted with her since I found out.

Why am I not divorcing?  I don't know if I won't yet.  I found out about this whole situation about nine months ago and I really want to get through it because I have small children and, though it sounds insane, I still love my husband.  I am trying to get past this, and I don't want to have rage towards anyone.  I actually don't want to feel anything towards the OW.  I am mostly upset that I am the one who is dealing with the negatives of their relationship most of all, yet I was not the one who did it.  So, I am trying not to be bitter, because it is unhelpful.  My advice to OP is the same - it is not helpful to wallow in the hellish stuff that has happened.

And yes, I am in therapy.  But this is hard stuff.  I always thought I would leave if my husband cheated on me, but turns out is so much more complex.  He, along with my kids, is my family.  And that's a very big deal to me.[/quote]
I wish you the best of luck PP. This is rough stuff you are dealing with but it sounds like you are doing the best you can. I hope you find peace soon.[/quote]

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