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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She is much younger than me (same parents, but just a very large age gap), and she just learned that her "boyfriend" of one month is married and has a young child.  Essentially, the guy's wife saw the texts between her husband and my sister and called him out on it and then she called my sister and told her that the man she has been seeing actually has a family and she asked that my sister please leave them alone.  My sister was initially disgusted, felt betrayed, and was saddened but, since then, the guy has called her on his work phone and "apologized" and said that his wife is a horrible person and he's moving out and my sister is the love of his life and he can't live without her.  I initially felt bad for my sister but since that conversation with him, she is now saying things like, [b]well, if he does move out, I guess I can talk to him and his wife is so terrible and blah blah blah.[/b]

I'm so disgusted by her right now.  She has known this guy for ONE MONTH.  I don't care what type of connection they have.  He is married and has a young child.  It's just so appalling.  I can't even be near her.  She sees me (same age as this man's wife) with my husband and my young child and the fact [b]that she can even take this man's calls now[/b] knowing that he has a family is just so abhorrent to me.  It just shows a total lack of self-respect on her part[b] that she is even entertaining the thought of talking to someone who lied so much to her[/b] and who is, undoubtedly, going to do the very same thing to her eventually.  To me, this would all be such a turn off.  Not only that the man is married with a kid, but also that he is so willing to just abandon them at the drop of a hat because of a one month young relationship with some girl.

I don't know what to do.  I don't know whether I should try to talk some sense into her to get her to forget about this guy and move on or whether I should completely just wash my hands of it.  I've already told her everything I wrote in the paragraph above.  I asked her how she would feel if someone did that to me or to our mother or to her when she was older and married and had a child.  I told her karma was a bitch and she'd be punished a thousand times over if she continued a relationship with this man knowing that he has a family.  I just don't know what to do.[/quote]

So, she hasn't actually done anything yet.  She's saying that if he left his wife, she could talk to him, but is not saying that she is thinking about continuing the relationship with him while he's still with his wife.  All she's doing is taking his phone call(s).  All she's doing is not immediately saying she'll never talk to him again.  And for this, you feel strong enough to say you hate her.  She's in the process of making a decision.  She hasn't even made it yet.  And you're jumping all over her for not feeling exactly as you do.

I would tell her about your personal experience with your friend's infidelity, and how much suffering it caused.  I wouldn't moralize or tell her what she has to do, but I would help her think through the ramifications--the kind of pain that infidelity can cause, whether she wants to be in a relationship with someone who treats his own wife and children so badly, whether she can really trust someone who lied to her about something so huge.  She's processing a major shock, and you have the chance to help her through it, and instead you hate her because...she hasn't done anything?[/quote]

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