Reply to DD's Soon to be step-grandfather has a creepy vibe IMO. Trying not to prejudice child, but WWYD?

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "DD's Soon to be step-grandfather has a creepy vibe IMO. Trying not to prejudice child, but WWYD?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids and I have both had some training on this, and OP, you might want to hire someone to tell you how to handle this situation.  There are consultants who specialize in this stuff.

The bottom line is:  If your mom-spidey-sense is on, you need to go with it.  Even if it means throwing Pap under the bus.  Sorry.  You cannot afford to get this wrong.

To me, it sounds like grooming.  Not just the words but this:  Giving expensive gifts, especially ones that can create private conversations and/or photos?  One of the main warning signs is someone who does not know or respect boundaries.  Giving your kid a cell phone is WOW so over the boundary line--without asking?

Generally, adult males that are not related are not interested in developing relationships and spending time with kids.  I know this is tricky because he could be innocently trying to be nice because there will be an ongoing married-into relationship.  But since you lose control over her when she's over with your ex, she needs to protect herself more than if you were there to do it for her.

I think I would text back to Pap: "hi Pap, this is Larla's mom. Thank you for giving Larla a phone."

THEN: "I'm going to hang on to it for another year, until she's old enough…"

or
"However; I need to give it back to you…"
or
"I had not planned on getting her a phone until she was x years old, so I will see how she does with it and supervise all messages."

Meaning:  I've got my eye on you, Pap.

You HAVE to show you are watching him.  Offenders are always looking for the easy target, not the target that's got a momma bear hovering near by.

For your DD, you've got to make sure that she understands that you are a safe person for her to talk to ,and she must to follow HER gut--if she gets a weird feeling that something's not cool, to listen to that feeling.  And that she must tell you if something's off, or if someone tells her to keep a secret--especially if they tell her to keep a secret from her mom--that is when you MUST tell your mom.

Also, in general, rather than telling an adult "no" when they ask her to do something (which is hard to do), she can say, "I have to check."  
"Can I take your picture?"
"I have to check with my mom on that"

"Come into my room to help me look for my lost keys"
"I have to check with my dad--I'll go get him to help us look" (and GO don't just stand there waiting for a reply)

And she should not end up alone with him--here's an example--DD is watching a movie she really wants to watch and Dad's going to the store or picking up pizza and leaving her with Pap…DD just has to suck it up and jump up and go with him.[/quote]

I've read through all the responses and I think this is the best course of action.  This man may be a well intentioned grandfather figure to-be or he could have the nefarious intentions nightmares are made of.  Letting Pap know your monitoring all communication isn't something your ex can object to or overrule.  If Pap doesn't have bad intentions, he'll be fine with it.  You'll want to be monitoring her communication with everyone anyways since so much bullying occurs via texts and social media.  It's good to get your daughter used to you monitoring her usage now.

Additionally, educating your daughter, particularly the idea of a class with a safety instructor, is awesome!  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics