Reply to who has actually talked to in laws about problems and did it help at all?

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Reply to "who has actually talked to in laws about problems and did it help at all?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - MIL tends to sulk if we spend a holiday with my family then reject making plans for a few months, she makes comments about access to grandkids yet clearly favors other grandkids, when there have been arguments between DH and siblings she takes sides and isolates us and makes comments implying that I put him up to it or was involved, she generally ignores me and makes contact only through DH, she sends photos about the great and most amazing time they are having during a holiday or other function we aren't attend, she tells us about how her sister's family handles holidays, vacations, etc - everyone all together all the time, and talks about how it used to be before we got married.  Other siblings are divorced. [/quote]

So in other words it's a lot of stuff that could and should be addressed as it happens.  It's not like someone stole thousands of dollars from you or some other single big bad thing, is that correct?

You and your DH should get on the same page and start addressing little things as they occur.  And honestly, a lot of it sounds like stuff you should just ignore if you're not willing to address it in real time.  They brag about amazing times with other people or how they prefer how MIL's sister handles holidays?  Why not just say "Oh, what is it about how they do it that you like and why don't you try to do it?"  Or if you already know it's a set up to criticize you, why not just say "Well, you should do what makes you happy at the holidays.  What is that exactly?" and maybe it'll help you spend more time with your own parents?

Your examples  mostly sound like things that you need to address in real time, not sit down and try to hash out a list of little things.  It will probably sound petty and weird if you do it as a "big conversation".  I agree with the PP who said pick 2 issues, address those, and then everything else is in real time as it happens.  You and your DH have a LOT of power you haven't used yet.  Use it.  It can make a difference, and even if it doesn't, you're modelling for yourselves and your kid that you at least tried to communicate and set things straight.  All you can do it try, and it's better than modelling grumping about it in private but not saying diddly when they do the stuff that bothers you.[/quote]

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