Reply to How to make sex a priority without making it a chore

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[quote=Anonymous]Man here, been in your position OP, I can only tell you what helped and didn't help my situation.

[b]Helped[/b] - having occasional conversations, even if those ended in tears (and they always did).  Getting her off hormonal Birth Control (slight improvement).  Accepting that most of the time sex was just going to be for me, and just taking her and not worrying about whether she was in the mood, if we had gone longer than a week (she was willing, but not necessarily wanting).  Accepting that her having sex once per week was her compromise because she would have sex closer to once a month if up to her.  Recognizing her libido is purely responsive and not expecting her to be in the mood before I initiated. Spending quality time with her without initiating sex.
[b]
Very helpful [/b]- finding creative times to have sex - coming home at lunch when kids are in school and she had a few hours to herself after drop-off.  Having a brief but straight conversation before sex whether she wanted it or was just doing it for me - so I could be determine whether I would be focused on our mutual pleasure versus being efficient (she was willing to have more sex if it wasn't going to take a while and she wasn't expected to "perform").

[b]Didn't help[/b] - choreplay, passive-aggressiveness, weak attempts at initiating, waiting for her to initiate, expecting her to orgasm and taking it personally when she wasn't always enjoying sex.

I think you should have another conversation with her, non-threatening, listen to all the good advice you have been given.  Make it clear you want more sex with her, that you would be ok with once a week and then don't be afraid to initiate more.  Accept she is often going to be going through the motions, and celebrate those times when you can get in sync.  Sex leads to more sex.  Having decent sex more frequently will improve how you treat her, leading to more connectedness and sex for her too.

Good luck.
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