Reply to DH doesn't mind DS smoking hookah

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wrong.  I've got 2 teens.  They are not 17, yet.  But I can tell you right now that I won't be condoning hookah smoking.

And I will have zero problems telling them why I can't condone it.[/quote]

Tell them all you want, no one is stopping you. But those of us who have actually had 17-year-olds know that just because you tell them something doesn't mean they will stick to it. You will learn that lesson in time, and then you will realize that treating your 17-year-old like an adult can be the best way to get them to respect your wishes. [/quote]

No one said that teens are going to follow what we tell them, but is that a reason to refrain from telling them how we feel about an issue? No. To just say "oh, they're going to do it anyway" is a cop-out on the parent's part. [/quote]

So silly. The goal is not to show your disapproval, the goal is to get the behavior you want to stop to stop both now and into the future. Stomping your feet and telling your teen that you disapprove does little in the short term and will harm your relationship in the long term. Teens know when you are infantalizing them by just assuming they are unable to make good decisions on their own.

OP's son sounds very responsible, which is why the suggestion is to speak to him candidly about the long-term health repercussions, then step back and actually give him a chance to make the right decision. This is especially true because DH doesn't think it's a big deal, so it is important to explain why mom feels differently.

Frankly, how you feel about an issue is a terrible thing to discuss with a teen. It's too easily internalized as "mom hates my friends" or "mom is crazy". The discussion should be around actual facts, like health consequences or legal consequences. "We don't want you doing this" is for 7-year-olds. "We don't want you doing this because of A, B, C" is for 17-year-olds. [/quote]

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