Reply to DH doesn't mind DS smoking hookah

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DS is 17 and he and his friends often smoke on the weekends. He's a good kid, good grades, no problems but I'm not sure about this...[/quote]
I'm with your husband on this. Pick your battles.[/quote]

You pick your battles over clothes, hair styles, and piercings. Where the health of a child is concerned it's not something to be flippant about. There is a  cancer  risk with hookah use. Cancer is a huge deal to me and something to fight about at any age.[/quote]

So your suggestion is to do what, exactly? Sternly state your disapproval? Have you ever met a 17-year-old? :roll:[/quote]

Yes and I also was one to quote my parents on the subject [b]your life doesn't start till your 18[/b]. There are ways to control your 17 year old.

But perhaps your cool with sitting bedside to your 25 year old while he battles cancer. [/quote]

Lol. Your attitude is the reason why kids go crazy in college, because they can finally try all the things sanctimonious mommy and daddy wouldn't let them try in high school. Your job as a parent is to help your child navigate all the difficult choices they must make in life, including the social positives of participating in hookah with friends vs. the negative health effects of smoking. If you categorically say no, your child will never learn the frameworks they need to make solid decisions once you are not around to guide them.[/quote]
I agree. 17 is not a child and hookah is not cocaine. This is a choice your son can make as part of the growth process, maybe with some boundaries in place (such as only on weekends, not in front of younger siblings). You could also ask him to select non-tobacco hookah as much as possible if that's important to you.[/quote]

Did the kid ask you before he started experimenting with hookah in the first place?  "Mommy, can I smoke Johnny's hookah? Pleeaaasee!!"  "Well, o.k. son as long as you stick to the non-tobacco hookah".  "Thanks Mommy I will!".

Or did you find about him smoking hookah and THEN you laid down all the rules for "responsible" hookah smoking?

What makes you think he (or his friends) will obey your rules and stick within the parameters that YOU are comfortable with? If he's a little adult who is making decisions for himself why shouldn't he do what he wants to do?

[/quote]

You sound crazy. It sounds like you have never taught your child how to make good decisions, so your only choice of action is to make mocking comments and rule with an iron fist. [/quote]

No.  I'm a person who used to smoke 2 packs a day and went through hell to give that habit up - and I started that habit in college.  When I came home from college during breaks I had to sneak around to smoke - no way did I want my parents to know that I was doing that.  That sneaking around and the uncomfortable nicotine fits were actually a good incentive for me to quit smoking.

If they had been more laid back and cool about it all I would probably be dead or dying from cigarettes now.  Thank you Mom and Dad for caring enough about me to not accept me smoking![/quote]

She won't hear you. In her mind the responsibility of parenting a teen is to make sure he or she gets into a good college. Ironically she probably doesn't consider this teen adult enough to choose   his degree program, and college without in put from mommy and daddy.
Me personally I'd rather take a hardline with my 17 year old have them be pissed off with me now and alive  at 25 and not in hospital asking me questions and my only response is " I didn't want to tell you no."[/quote]

What weird assumptions to make about me. Smoking hookah with friends is a different dynamic than smoking alone. Drinking with friends = probably social. Drinking alone = you have a problem. Same with smoking. Plus the fact that the 2 (or 1 ?) posters who are making a big deal about this were 1) wild in college due to "your life starts at 18" attitude parents had and b) snuck around to smoke when parents prohibited says a lot about the effectiveness of a hardline approach. [/quote]

Huh?  Most of the kids who were smoking in HS when I was a kid either 1) never went to college or 2) came to college with an already instilled habit - and their parents don't care!  You seem to think that a kid who smokes/drinks/parties as a HS teen will somehow be a more responsible young adult?  I laugh at that assumption because from what I have seen that is about as far from the truth as it gets.  Keep on tellin' yourself that though.[/quote]

I feel really bad for your kid. It's clear that you don't understand that "hey honey I'm not a fan of this and there are some risks, but you are otherwise responsible, so I'll let you make your own decision" is a nuanced approach that exists between "NO NO NO" and "YES YES YES"[/quote] There are some things that parents do need to make the decisions on--that prefrontal lobe isn't yet developed, you know.  The laissee faire parenting isn't doing your kids any favors.[/quote]
Teens also need the chance to, ya know, be a teen.[/quote]

Yep.  They won't be under my roof forever.  That is why it is so important to set high standards NOW.[/quote]

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