Reply to In Laws invite DH's ex wife and child on holidays we don't have the child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm a first wife who has a decent relationship with my ex-in-laws after divorce. They are my daughter's family. They will always be her family, the same way that I will always be her family and my family will always be her family.

Your husband's parents are not slighting you. They are continuing to have a relationship with their granddaughter, regardless of whether she's with her mom or her dad. That's a good thing for her. If this was a situation where they were inviting your stepdaughter and her mom INSTEAD of you and your kids, that would be another story, but that's not what's going on.

The only issue right now is that[b] this is happening behind your backs[/b]. I don't think it's fair for your husband to prohibit his parents from inviting his daughter to family holidays, but given that he did this and your MIL presumably agreed to it, I think it's fairly shabby of her to turn around and invite them anyway. I think your stance should be that they are welcome to spend time with your stepdaughter when you're not around, but you would like a head's up that she will be there for TG/Xmas/whatever, and leave it at that. [/quote]

If it's on Facebook, it's not really happening behind their backs, is it? [/quote]

The invite certainly occurred behind their backs, if they found out about it on FB. [/quote]

Since it's happened for the past several years and there's no attempt to hide it, it's hard to argue it's now occurring behind their backs. But do you really expect adults to clear holiday invitations with their son? Do you expect them to not have contact with their grandchild and her mother? That's a pretty high degree of control to expect.[/quote]

Yeah, why would they need to clear it with you?  They seem to do this every year that you don't spend Christmas with them.  So it's not really a surprise anymore, is it?  And if they did give you a heads-up, would you start giving them shit about it?  So, your in-laws invite their grandchild to spend a holiday with them.  Their grandchild's mother is included in the invitation.  There is literally nothing wrong with this.  I think it's lovely that the grandparents love their grandchild so much and try to spend holidays with her in a way that does not reduce your time with them.  [/quote]

PP here. I completely agree with both of you, but this seems like something that upsets the OP's husband. If notification would make him less upset, I don't see how it costs the MIL anything to say, "We're sorry we won't see you this year. We have invited your daughter and her mom and will send you a photo of her with the turkey! Have a great holiday."[/quote]

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