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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm fat, and I say that as a neutral descriptor.  I'm not denigrating myself.  I carry a lot of adipose tissue.  So I'm fat.  I could hear my husband saying, "My wife is fat, and I love her a lot" and it wouldn't be in the slightest bit hurtful because it is true and he's not insulting me or denigrating me.

So, you are fat, and your husband called you fat.  The question is, did he say it in a hurtful way?  Did he say it to be mean?  Was his tone derisive?  What was the context?

There's nothing inherently wrong with being called fat, but there is something wrong with a person being intentionally mean - what actually happened?[/quote]

This sounds great in theory, but in reality the term "fat" is not a neutral adjective for the vast majority of people. And using that term is mean.[/quote]

I totally agree.  Come ON, pp.  It's great that you're confident but objectively calling someone fat, whether they are or not, is unkind.  As is calling someone stupid, ugly, etc.

I used to be heavier.  Not sure how we are defining "fat" - I do agree with PP that if you're 140 and were 130 before kids, it's different than if you're 250 lbs (the former would indicate that he's controlling and abusive, the second potentially that he's unkind/frustrated/etc).  When I was heavy, I knew it.  My husband knew it.  He would never have said it, but Id never have called myself fat and expected him to disagree, either.  I started working out a lot and eating better and I've lost a bunch (could still stand to use a bit, but am normal BMI now) and I know he appreciates it but bottom line - I did it for myself, not for him.[/quote]

Sorry that you have such loathing for the shape your body used to be, but "fat" is NOT akin to "stupid" and "ugly".  Fat is just a size, just like tall or short.  It is a description.  It is sad that some people use it as a pejorative, but it is not inherently pejorative.  (Don't even get me started about how moderate fatness is actually highly correlated to better health outcomes and longevity.)  Anyway, it's really, really sad that you equate your former size to being stupid and ugly.  And I feel sorry for all the fat people in the world to whom you automatically attach negative associations.

"Fat" is not inherently unkind.  Please stop teaching your kids that it is.  Without all the unnecessary hatred associated with the label, perhaps more fat people would love the bodies they are in and treat them with love and kindness -- which may result in better nutrition, exercise, and self-care in general.  [/quote]

Virtually everyone would choose to be normal weight vs overweight. Most people would also equate being fat with being unattractive vs normal weight. [/quote]

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