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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a fascinating discussion.

I agree with those who say that fat is really just an adjective - not really any different than calling someone bald, short, or many other negative characteristics.

I also think that getting really fat after marriage threatens that marriage. Weight is something that almost everyone can control, with a few rare medical exceptions. It is time for people to take responsibility for their bodies and not just call their partners shallow for no longer being attracted to them.

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And so it's the fact that you think it is so easily controlled that means it's okay to quit being attracted to them and possibly leave the marriage?

I'm just asking because something like cancer or MS or bipolar disorder can also make spouses less attractive. Is it shallow or okay, do you think, for people in those situations to no longer want to be with their spouses? Is the idea here that I'm allowed to reject my husband for something he can control but not allowed to reject him for something he can't control? That doesn't sound like the vows I took.[/quote]

"Quit" being attracted implies that it is a choice. If my wife gains fifty pounds and I can't even find the naughty parts I'm looking for under those big folds of fat, how can anyone blame me for that? Attraction isn't something you can just will yourself to have.

For almost everyone, getting fat is a choice - not in the same category at all as the other conditions you mention.[/quote]

It's sad you are so willing to believe that gaining weight is a choice but rejecting your spouse isn't.  [/quote]

If I intentionally changed my looks to be off-putting to my spouse - say, shaved my head - would I be allowed to complain if my spouse didn't feel attracted to me in the same way?

If you married a person when you were normal weight then let yourself - through your own actions - become fat, you have changed your looks in a way that is likely a turnoff to your spouse. Whether your spouse is honest with you or not about it, it is likely the truth. I am not talking about the 5-10 pounds that most people gain as they age, I am talking about really letting yourself go.

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Again, you are just treating it as gospel that a person gaining weight is doing so by choice.  That isn't so.

I took my vows seriously, my spouse may change how much they weigh or how they look but they will always be the wonderful, kind, loving person I fell in love with.  You, however, will probably be a d-bag forever.[/quote]

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