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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm fat, and I say that as a neutral descriptor.  I'm not denigrating myself.  I carry a lot of adipose tissue.  So I'm fat.  I could hear my husband saying, "My wife is fat, and I love her a lot" and it wouldn't be in the slightest bit hurtful because it is true and he's not insulting me or denigrating me.

So, you are fat, and your husband called you fat.  The question is, did he say it in a hurtful way?  Did he say it to be mean?  Was his tone derisive?  What was the context?

There's nothing inherently wrong with being called fat, but there is something wrong with a person being intentionally mean - what actually happened?[/quote]

This sounds great in theory, but in reality the term "fat" is not a neutral adjective for the vast majority of people. And using that term is mean.[/quote]

I totally agree.  Come ON, pp.  It's great that you're confident but objectively calling someone fat, whether they are or not, is unkind.  As is calling someone stupid, ugly, etc.

I used to be heavier.  Not sure how we are defining "fat" - I do agree with PP that if you're 140 and were 130 before kids, it's different than if you're 250 lbs (the former would indicate that he's controlling and abusive, the second potentially that he's unkind/frustrated/etc).  When I was heavy, I knew it.  My husband knew it.  He would never have said it, but Id never have called myself fat and expected him to disagree, either.  I started working out a lot and eating better and I've lost a bunch (could still stand to use a bit, but am normal BMI now) and I know he appreciates it but bottom line - I did it for myself, not for him.[/quote]

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