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[quote=Anonymous]I disagree with the poster who says that being on a laptop around kids is not a symptom of ADHD.  It's actually typical ADHD type behavior -- he's seeking stimulation, and may actually be hyperfocused, on his computer.  Lots of things on a laptop can cause a dopamine rush -- even getting a reply to a comment on DCUM.  So for a brain seeking stimulation and reward, a laptop or other device can be addictive.  Sadly, we don't always get a dopamine from watching our kids around bedtime.  I wish that would trigger my brain's pleasure centers more than it does!

OP, I have a few thoughts and "prescriptions" for you and your marriage.  One is the book I mentioned earlier - "Is it you, me, or adult ADD".  That's for you, and for your DH if he's willing to read it (it sounds like not).

The ADHD meds he was on were not a good fit for him, but there are LOTS of meds to try that might be better.  If he'd let you go to an appointment, or have input in an appointment, you could describe the symptoms you experienced.  It sounds like he really needs treatment but he hasn't yet found the right one.

John Gottman's book "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" is really helpful.  You might take a basic survey in that book and show your answers to your husband and let him know you really think your relationship is in deep crisis, and you want to try to rescue it.  The book has lots of great ideas about how you can build and strengthen your friendship.  But he needs to see that you are in a crisis.  Here's a quick test here:

http://www.bestcouplestherapy.com/RelationshipTest.en.html

It's really, really hard to be in a relationship with a person with untreated ADHD.  I'd hate to see you give up on the relationship when he might dramatically improve...if he's willing to try.  I wish you luck.[/quote]

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