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[quote=Anonymous]
[quote=Anonymous]
OP, I totally get it.  I also want to feel desired.  I have told my husband that I like to get texts saying he's thinking about me and it makes me feel good if he plans a nice date that reflects something he observes I enjoy.  Or if he surprises me with my favorite chocolate truffle.  It just make me feel like I am on his mind in a good way.  There are sexual ways to do this too - like if I am doing dishes or something mundane and he comes up behind and gently squeezes me and whispers that I am hot and he can't wait to get me alone, that will make me feel desired and it will turn me on.  But I have had to tell him all of these things because he is just not wired the same .[/quote]

NP here.  I've told DH very explicitly what I want him to do, and he just never follows through.  Always says "it doesn't dawn on him."  And I'm like, yeah, that's why I've asked you explicitly over and over.  It's so exasperating.  I can't imagine the tables being turned, with him sobbing and asking for me to do one specific thing to make him feel loved, and then me just never doing it.

[quote=Anonymous]
YES!  DW here, married 21 yrs.  It took me a long time to learn how literal DH is.  He never knew what I meant when I said, "Be more romantic."

I have learned to ask very very explicitly for what I want him to do.  I had to let go of my expectation that "if he cared, he would know," and "if I have to ask, it's not as good."

OP, try this:  Ask him one morning, "Will you bring me flowers tonight after work?"  Keep it very short and sweet, don't go into why you want them.  If he wants more info, he'll ask.  Then, if he brings you anything remotely resembling a plant, it means he is trying to please you.  Appreciate the effort. The next day, ask for something else - "Will you send me a sexy text today?" or whatever.  You can totally make this a fun game, and as long as you appreciate his efforts, he'll start looking forward to seeing what you want next.  By the end of the week, you will really love him.  I promise.  
[/quote]

And then does he eventually do those things without being asked?  Or are you supposed to beg every day for crumbs of affection?[/quote]

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