Reply to Is this marriage after 8 years and 2 kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, to answer your question, yes, this is what marriage is usually like after 8 years and with two small kids. HOWEVER. It does not have to be that way.
To me what stuck out from your post was that you were disappointed "but I didn't want to ruin everything by bringing it up." 
Sorry, but you have to bring this stuff up as it occurs. Do not let it fester. If your DH says "where do you want to go" you should say, in a not mean way, "Hey, I ASKED you to make plans. The fact that you did not do so makes me feel very ignored and unappreciated. I'm going to go redo my lipstick and you have 5 minutes to come up with something. And is that what you are going to wear? I dressed up!"
What is wrong with just saying that? How does that "ruin it" more than falsely pretending you are not hurt and having it all come out later in no sex and a big heavy discussion. I think men respond better to immediate straightforward feedback, in a nice way, than big stressful "talks" that make them feel like they are just screwing up all the time and you are saying nothing and disliking them secretly. Imagine how stressful that would be, to constantly be worried that your spouse is unhappy but pretending so as not to "ruin it." 
I don't know how you were raised but if you think the right thing to do is stifle yourself and not bother other people, think again. [b]Your spouse is not a mind reader.[/b] Just tell him how you feel. And that is not the same as stuffing it inside and then later having big awful talks. Tell him how you feel immediately so that he has a chance to make it right, right away.  
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This is excellent advice, and I say this as a man.  Some men need instructions.  Be explicit with what you want, and make sure you are complimenting him when he does it.  Positive and negative feedback.[/b][/quote]

YES!  DW here, married 21 yrs.  It took me a long time to learn how literal DH is.  He never knew what I meant when I said, "Be more romantic."

I have learned to ask very very explicitly for what I want him to do.  I had to let go of my expectation that "if he cared, he would know," and "if I have to ask, it's not as good."

OP, try this:  Ask him one morning, "Will you bring me flowers tonight after work?"  Keep it very short and sweet, don't go into why you want them.  If he wants more info, he'll ask.  Then, if he brings you anything remotely resembling a plant, it means he is trying to please you.  Appreciate the effort. The next day, ask for something else - "Will you send me a sexy text today?" or whatever.  You can totally make this a fun game, and as long as you appreciate his efforts, he'll start looking forward to seeing what you want next.  By the end of the week, you will really love him.  I promise.  
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