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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
The question is, WHY did you decide to stay home?

Is it because you truly thought you would be able to handle household duties and childcare better than anyone else?

Or is it because you couldn't handle work?

Because you are very, very high-strung and anxious, and don't realize that you need medication?

My 5 year old can barely read three-letter words. On the other hand she counts beautifully (and adds, and subtracts multiple digits). We all have our strengths, and sometimes they're so awesome they take their sweet time to develop!

My 10 year old was born premature, had major development delays, and it turns out now, 10 years later, that he's gifted. At 4, we all thought he was low-IQ.

You see where I'm going with this?
It's not your child, it's you.

Relax, find a job, leave your beloved children to the professionals.

[/quote]

[b]I have always excelled at everything except parenting.[/b] I was at MD level and can handle work. Our family problem is that DH is very successful and works a lot of hours. He did not share any child duties with me. Whenever I have a complaint, he tells me to throw money at the problem. Even now, he is suggesting that I hire a tutor.[/quote]

I found the transition to parenthood to be very, very difficult for precisely the sort of reasons you're describing: I was very good at what I did before I became a SAHM, and I was very results-driven, respected by others, and a bit of a "climber" (wanted people to appreciate and promote me).  I started SAH when my first kid was born, and I had terrible PPD in part because of the major life shift and identity shift.  I couldn't breastfeed and felt this was a personal affront to my capacity as a mother and that I would never "succeed" as a mother as a result, yet I had given up my treasured career to do it and felt I "had" to be a good mother.  You sound exactly like me, but several years later.

I think you need to see a therapist and work on these issues.  You also need to give it time.  How long have you been SAH?  It took me several years to really feel comfortable and confident in the position.  I'm not saying you need to continue to force yourself to SAH if you hate it -- just that it can be a rough transition, so if you recently started SAH, you might need to give yourself a little more time before you can definitively say it's not for you.

Talking with a therapist and finding ways to seek out respect and purpose in my life outside of my children really helped me.  Can you do some consulting work in your field so you're working PT or in short-term positions where you can do a lot from home in your "down time"?  Or can you seek out some volunteer work that you feel passionate about?  Having these things in your life may help you direct your perfectionism, drive, and competitiveness away from your kids, and that would be beneficial.

Ultimately, kids need support and love.  They will get the other stuff in time.  The PP who said you need to stop seeing your kids as an extension of yourself is right -- they are not a reflection of you as a parent or of your talents and abilities.  And that's okay.  What's important is that you love them and give them attention and support.

Is your kid in preschool?  Leave the teaching up to the teachers there.  You don't need to be stressing about it.  And if you are, then hire a tutor like DH suggested.  He's not being empathetic to your emotional needs when he suggests this, but it might be a logical answer to the rational question of teaching your kid things like numbers and reading.  It would also free you up to just be Mom, not teacher.  Perhaps you could relax more and just play with your kids and have fun if you felt someone else was doing this other stuff.  And that's what you and your kids need most.[/quote]

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