Reply to Downsizing aging parent: 2 sibs who live close+1 who lives far=drama

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Agree with others.  [b]Either pay the movers directly or pay your sibs.  Get over the idea that it is your money and that gives you a voice. [/b]

You chose to have a child...whether you knew it was going to be a SN kid or not, it was a choice. You chose to move away.  The two sibs are up to their eyeballs in the minutiae of elder care and it is far more challenging than simply raising a kid.  The kid grow up and expands into life; the elder declines and it ends in death.

And whatever you do, don't waltz in during moving weekend or the week before/after, see that everything is running well and conclude that your sibs must be exaggerating.  The reason things are moving so well is due to their efforts.

Either be there and be part of it or stand back and send a check.  Yes, they will appreciate the money but what they will really appreciate is more hands on day to day help.

The alternative is to pack Mom off to an assisted living facility, roughly $3,600 per month "nationwide" but it starts at $6,000 a month for a bare bones room in many places in the DMV area.  Need extra services?  Like someone to walk with mom down to the dining room?  Like providing mediations?  Like doing her laundry? Each service typically runs $250-$500 per month, every month.  The better places locally start at $8k/month and go up from there IF they decide to take your parent.  Depending on what's going on with her, they may decide they'd prefer to deal with the healthier and less prone to issues elders.

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um, it IS her money.  I'd cut them off completely.  Don't pay for anything.  Let them complain about that.  [/quote]

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