Reply to Thanksgiving 'dynamic' and how to prevent/deal with it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Does she even know it's OP's place? We dont do this 'hostessing chair' thing. At all. You sit where you are comfortable. I would probably accidentally use OP's place too.

It is common knowledge that the head and "foot" of a table--seats at the short ends opposite from one another--are the host and hostess seats. Anyone who knows anything about hosting and etiquette would know that. It sounds like OP's MIL knows this full well, if she is a "coffee after dessert" type of old-school person.

Let me rephrase. It isn't that I am not aware of the host and hostess seat. It is that I would never have this level of formality with my closest relatives so I would not think - oh, better not use that chair, it's for the hostess. Especially with kids - I tend to sit so I or my husband can help them if needed. If someone said, oh that's my chair, it would be different and of course I would not sit there. However, the thought would not enter my mind unprompted. I also would think that an adult would mention I was sitting in her seat if she found this important. However, I do like coffee after dessert!

You would assume the "head of the table" position? Really?

That is odd, even at an informal family gathering. PP, you should at least wait to see where the hostess sits, ask where she wants you/if she cares, if there are no place cards.
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It is odd!  I'm someone who doesn't believe in thank you cards if the giver has been thanked verbally.  But, I would NEVER presume to sit anywhere I wanted if it was a sit down dinner.  I wait to see how the host/hostess wants guests seated.  If it's not clear, I would ask where s/he wanted me to sit.  [/quote]

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