Reply to Dad chose stepmom over me

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Dad chose stepmom over me "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For the people who are saying that the someone should choose spouse over children, that is absolutely heinous if we're talking about someone who is choosing to put aside their children for a NEW spouse.  If you have a spouse and lose them, you owe it to your children to put them first so that they might be mentally healthy enough to have their own chance at a great love.  [/quote]

No.

[b]In order "to be mentally healthy enough to have their own chance at great love", it is not helpful to teach a child that his or her wants are more important than a lifelong commitment of marriage.  No, but if your child is a teen, and you move on pretty much immediately, and you suddenly go cold and distant, and stop spending time with your teen, and make it clear that you are "off duty", parent-wise, because your new spouse wants it that way, your teen is going to have all kinds of issues with love/marriage as a result.  This is something they carry into their own future relationships at a time when they should be preparing to date and find a partner.  In my own case, I DO think my dad was selfish for not waiting a few more years--at least until I was fully an adult--instead of doing this at such an impressionable time for me.  
[/b]
And OP is not talking about being "put aside".  No parent should be "putting aside" a child, but if you have adult children and you have a spouse,[b] whether it's your first spouse or you second, you forsake all others and put your loyalty to your spouse first.[/b]  Even if you fucked up your first marriage, you show your adult child that you are learning from your mistakes and prioritizing your marriage, in part so that they might learn better from your example of improving your commitment to marriage.  Oh, OK, so if your new spouse decides she doesn't want your teens to come home from school anymore, ever again, and she doesn't want them around as adults either, and she doesn't want their dad to have any contact with them, then dad is just "forsaking all others" for his new wife, and the kids need to cut their losses and  move on?

You do not make your second marriage a "lesser marriage" because you screwed up the first time, if you did.  [b]And you certainly do not elevate children above adults[/b] in order to help them be healthier; that simply gives a child too much power and is the opposite of healthy.  The OP is not talking about "elevating", and neither am I.  I'm talking about maintaining the same degree of love and involvement in your children's/young adult's lives as you had before, to a normal/healthy degree.  As opposed to completely cutting them out of your life because your new wife only wants her own kids/grandkids around. 
[/quote][/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics