Reply to married to someone with a perfect education pedigree who has never lived up to the potential

Forum Index » Money and Finances

Reply to "married to someone with a perfect education pedigree who has never lived up to the potential"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - I get what you're saying. Of course I only view an education as an investment as I wasn't that interested in learning, just doing things that would make me money. I got the same kind of degrees as your DH, saved up and invested, and when things didn't work out at times - I've landed in the govt, which I view as "time served" as those jobs give you "experience" that's different from the private sector while giving you time and a paycheck as you plot your next move.

Question re your DH - would he want to try out the private sector? Would he even be open to talking to people about opportunities? Do you think he could survive there or would he go in w a - it's 5 pm, my shift is up - kind of mentality?

Why can't you say this to your DH? Why can't you say - honey, we make x, but in order to be able to afford a nicer home and a vacation per yr, we need to be making y, can we talk about how you can make that happen for us with your Ivy MBA/JD/whatever, I'd do it if I could but there's just not the same potential in my career. What would he say in response to this invite to talk?[/quote]

Why not just say, Honey, you have failed to live up to your potential.  I married you expecting you to earn ---, and you have failed.  You have 12 months to turn it around, or you are out on your ass.  It's that simple.[/quote]

You cannot be serious...[/quote]

I'm the first PP you're quoting - nowhere did I say the message should be, you need to start earning x or we're done. But I do see money and lifestyle expectations as marital issues. Nothing wrong with her saying, when WE paid for and sacrificed for YOUR Harvard MBA or Hopkins MD or whatever, I expected that we were doing it to afford a nice house close in, a vacation every yr, retirement savings etc. WE are not there and having turned 40 already, can we talk about if/how to get there.

Reality is she married him with some expectation - and helped finance some of that expectation by helping pay for a degree or pay off loans. She deserves to be able to talk about what she wants out of life.

While you can still make drastic career changes in your 40s, it's that much harder in your 50s.[/quote]

Well, "you need to start earning x or we're done" is the message that a "make X per year by Y date or we're over" ultimatum gives. Nowhere did OP post that her husband promised her (either directly or through implication) more than he's making now. OP really sounds like a squirrel who sees her friends with shiny objects like a prestigious private school and suddenly whatever her and her husband make together is inadequate. You're saying it's okay for OP to openly state what she "wants out of life", which let's not kid ourselves is a man who makes great money and is completely under her SAH thumb. Sounds to me like the height of self-centeredness.

You can rest assured that if OP pulls the spoiled princess move you're suggesting and leaves her husband, just by virtue of being a 30+ male with (what I presume is) a $100k+ income he will have no trouble finding somebody else to "put up with him".[/quote]

I'm the PP you're quoting. I never said she should leave him under any circumstance! Where did I say there needs to be an ultimatum? They need to get on the same page re lifestyle and income expectation. Also - go back and read OP's post. She's not sitting on her ass as a SAH demanding that he make more money and hand over his paycheck. They both work bc he alone can't support them. And they're in their 40s not 30s.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics