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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dear boundary setters: help me with this one please.. I am at a loss. My mother, who I am mildly estranged from after decades of serious emotional abuse, sent my young, preschool DC's a package. It came with 52 items from a dollar store, everything from stickers, to flimsy coloring books that rip if you actually color them, to Halloween socks with violent characters, and bad Halloween decorations . Each with written notes taped to / or written in black sharpie marker to the child in caps on the unwrapped gift.

Along with all of this, there are instruction letters to me: first read this, then read this, then read this other note twice, in particular tones of voice, quiz the children. I was in shock looking at this roday, and am completely hiding it from my husband. It is so nuts.... I can't even share it. He knows what we are dealing with, but I just find these examples to be so incredibly distressing that I don't see how it helps our marriage to share them.

So while I struggle with her mental illness, I don't struggle with the items. I am simply donating all of it to the goodwill. But my question to all of you is: do I respond? Do I even say thanks? It wasted hours of my time today,  I was literally speechless. Opening the box with all of its nasty s#*#&t and lunacy was like being back in the house as a middleschooler, cowering in my room as she raged.

My impulse is to just never mention it to her, bc let's face it, she's only going downhill. But open to advice. [/quote]

We need more background. My initial response is to donate or toss it asap, don't mention it to kid, and text or email her the blandest "thanks" ever. BUT - like PPs ask: what else is going on here? Is any response from you likely to trigger more inappropriateness or explosions? That will determine your response to her. Good luck. [/quote]

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