Reply to If you aren't sexually attracted to your spouse

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If you aren't sexually attracted to your spouse"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you have described my DW and our sexual relationship to perfection.  Here is what I have accepted that helps:

1) My DW's sex drive is almost purely responsive (which is common for most women).  She gets turned on by something.  So she finds me attractive in the generic sense, but on a day to day basis she isn't sexually turned on to the point where she has an independent desire to fuck me.  My DW- like yours - sometimes [u]responds[/u] to us having sex by getting into it once she starts.  Again, responsive desire.  What you want is what you feel - spontaneous desire - which is largely but not exclusively a male sexual response, i.e. you want to have sex and your wife is hot to you and available.  Your wife just isn't wired the way you want her to be - few women are.  Back in the days when you dated, you did so many little things - flirt, call, flowers, etc - that stoked her responsive desire that by the time you were ready for sex she was too.

You are not shiny and new, she is not going to be responsively turned on by the day to day.

2) That she is willing to have sex with you is her gift.  Accept it.  Accept that sometimes she is going to be turned on and sometimes she is just taking one for the team.  Find a non-threatening way to figure out whether she is having sex solely for you or for you both so you know whether to hurry up and finish or make it pleasurable for her.

3) Get your ass in the best shape you can.  Dress well.  Project confidence at home and while you are out.  Not because it will make your wife want to fuck you more (it might but probably won't) but because you will be reminded by women that you are desirable.

I am not saying this is an easy pill to swallow, that the remainder of your sex life is mostly something your wife does to placate you either because she loves you or because she doesn't want to lose you or some combo of the two.  Your alternative is perpetual single life, or to find that rare gem of a woman that has spontaneous desire.  [/quote]

In my experience, that "rare gem of a woman that has spontaneous desire" is crazy as a shithouse rat. You know what they say about crazy girls. They are good for that, but lousy to be in any sort of relationship with other than purely for sex.[/quote]

This might have some truth. I have spontaneous desire but it's hard to control. I have no ability to be monogamous and my boyfriends know it and have to accept it. So Op, maybe focus a bit on the great things your wife does. Unless you'd be happy with [b]more blowjobs and less cooking and cleaning[/b]. [/quote]

I could do without the batshit crazy, but I'd call more sex and less cooking and cleaning a pretty good trade.  I can cook.  I can't give myself a blow job.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics