Reply to Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I love my DH and I am thankful for him every day. I do regret that we had a very difficult courtship with both sides of our family extremely displeased. We eloped! And told everyone afterward. Our parents were heart broken and it sucked. Our day to day marriage is happier than most but I still don't have a good relationship with my in laws due to religious/ cultural prejudices. I kinda wish I married someone from the same culture/religion. Would I have been able to have a normal happy marriage with someone else? Probably!

It's just weird to see my younger sis do the exact same thing. I thought she'd look at us and go wow I want a normal marriage but she's choosing the exact same path and will face the same difficulties. I don't get how me saying why are you doing this too? Is hypocritical. [/quote]

I agree with the others that with this explanation, are a hypocrite if you tell her not to go ahead with the courtship/marriage. You haven't divorced your husband to seek out "a normal happy marriage with someone else," so clearly you think your marriage is worth it despite the family strife. You want her to give up the person she loves in order to not have family strife, something you're not willing to do yourself. [/quote]

What I'm doing is an experiment. It's certainly not been done by anyone in either one of our families. I don't know if we'll work out for what will happen once the kids comes around. It's a risky endeavor and it has not been easy. Marriages where both families are happy are probably a lot easier than ours.

I also[b] feel bad for my poor parents [/b]and how they'll feel knowing 2 of their kids did something they'd deem unimaginable. Not to mention how[b] I'll be seen as responsible[/b] for setting up this "bad" example for my sister.

I feel like I made a bad decision and now her actions are continuing it.[/quote]

Okay, this actually gets you further into hypocrite territory.  "I married the man I loved, but you can't, because it will make our parents feel bad and I'll get blamed."  Look, you married the guy you wanted to marry.  You no doubt knew in advance that your parents wouldn't be pleased.  You decided it was worth it anyway.  Your sister supported you.  Why can't you be supporting of her?  Letting her know what some of the specific challenges you faced might be helpful, but telling her she's making a terrible mistake is not helpful.

[/quote]

This is the crux of it, OP. You admit you brought your parents unhappiness with your actions. You don't get to tell your sister she can't do the same because it'll bring them additional hurt. If you hurt them, it's on you to find a way to repair that hurt, not stop your sister from causing more hurt by doing EXACTLY what you deemed acceptable for yourself.

Furthermore, if this whole thing is a risky experiment and you have no idea it'll turn out well, why on earth did you go through with it? Very weird to put all your family relationships in jeopardy for a relationship you seem iffy about. That might also be part of your sister's issue with you, particularly if she truly loves this guy. You're stopping her from causing further pain when to her, her marriage might actually seem worth the pain it'll cause, unlike yours which you seem pretty wishy washy on. [/quote]

I'm already working to heal the hurt. So I should just sit and watch as she hurts them more? 
[/quote]

Yes. Yes you should.[/quote]

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