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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

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OP here. Thanks for that nice and thoughtful post. That is good advice.

A couple issues at play: this is not her own sister, and she habitually "forgets"/doesn't take in information about me and my family (and [b]never wants to talk about my family in an oddly controlling/way[/b]). I need to try to separate the past hurts/"incidents" out from this one, and just deal with this scenario as this scenario. I really will try. I am bracing myself. I see them on Friday.

Weird things...like they have asked me several times where my parents grew up, and seem interested in my mom's military medical officer-family background, which included the fact that she lived in Alaska before it was a state. We've discussed this numerous times over the years. And when they went on an Alaska cruise, they went on and on about this town and that town, including my mom's "Alaska hometown." And I said yes, I've seen/heard a lot about Anchorage, since my mom lived there. "What, your mom lived there? When?" Rrrrrgh!

It comes up sometimes that both my husband's sister and my own brother are gay. They always ask "how my parents took it." We've talked NUMEROUS TIMES about how they took it completely in stride, with love and acceptance, and they always act shocked about that, because "aren't they Republican Catholics?" RRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

So yes, I need to prepare myself for this to come up again this weekend, and just prepare in general to feel like they ignore, discount and don't care about me as a person/individual in my own right, beyond being the mother of their grandchild and the "vessel" for their new grandchild...

Thank you, seriously. Your post was really helpful.[/quote]

OP, I feel you on this one.  My in-laws act like my family doesn't exist.  One year, my DH and I thought it'd be nice to do a joint father's day lunch.  We would host, it'd be simple, invite both our dads.  My Dad was totally cool with it! The more the merrier etc. My DH's entire family reacted like we'd just suggested skinning the cat and eating her for lunch.  The force of the negative reaction was stunning.  DH's sister (who never plans ANYTHING for anyone because she's incredibly selfish) accused us of trying to hijack Father's day and "it's her Dad too".  She's 42 and she was invited.  But none of them could imagine spending an afternoon with my family TOO.  Needless to say we pulled the plug on that and just spent the day with my dad and my DH saw his dad another time.  My MIL has also made multiple comments to my DH about how "we don't have to spend EVERY holiday together" since we tend to invite everyone when we host.  They've spent maybe 1.5 holidays all together.

It's hurtful for sure.  No one in my family would ever bat an eye if I wanted to invite my DH's family to something.  My MIL acts offended when I do it.

And then of course, she's the first one to wonder why we aren't closer.  Well, I'll tell you, if you are hurtful about my family of origin, I will not want to be close to you.  I'll be polite, but we will never be close.
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