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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just got off a speakerphone call with my ILs. They told us DH's aunt has early-stage, treatable breast cancer that we have every reason to be optimistic about. We are of course sad, but thankful for the silver linings here. MIL then says, "Well, Kate, I don't know if you know much about breast cancer, but it does run in our family."

Why yes, I do know a little something...on account of my mother having it. Radiation and a lumpectomy and a precautionary hysterectomy. Which I have talked to my ILs about. At length.

I'm shocked, but I shouldn't be. They never listen to me. They know virtually nothing about me and my family, despite me answering any question they've ever asked, and volunteering info when I try to be part of their conversations. They don't listen, and wonder why we are not close.

Sorry. This just made me feel awful, on top of hearing this unfortunate news, and I needed to vent.[/quote]

This is not an excuse but it is a possible explanation: She might have been reeling from this news herself, especially if the aunt is her own sister, so that she just blanked and was repeating what doctors or DH's aunt (her sister?) had told her. Probably someone--a doctor, or the aunt--had mentioned that "You should let other women in the family know that this runs in families so they get checked," and in the shock of the bad news she just was repeating that because, well, it gave her something to say. Thoughtless, but possibly understandable. Yes, she should have remembered that your own family has this history, that you have told her about it before, that your own mother had it and went through treatment. And clearly there's larger history here where MIL doesn't seem to remember things about your family, and that does hurt (and doesn't change--folks who are like that tend to stay that way). But maybe you can write this one sentence of hers off as someone doing a poor job of delivering difficult news and leave it at that.

Be ready to hear about this a lot more; MIL will probably update you and DH on his aunt's treatment over time, so you might want to take an opportunity (when it's next brought up) to remind MIL that you do get what's going on because "You might not have remembered but my mom had breast cancer too so I've been there." Maybe your family's experience can help DH's aunt somehow?

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