Reply to Cracking the code—why labels don’t matter so don’t drive yourself crazy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]  Good post OP. Parents get themselves crazy over labels, even when the label fits. The goal is the get your child the best support possible for his/her unique needs and to keep your child from turning off of school and feeling dejected. As a parent of a kid with SN I understand their initial reluctance, but I am always surprised by the parents who never get past it.

I have known parents who did not disclose anything and let their kids flounder rather than even get an IEP. I have known parents who went to great lengths to find the 1 clinician willing to call ASD ADHD. (Newsflash: many clinicians consider them on the same spectrum and ADHD does not imply higher functioning than ASD-even socially believe it or not. Many kids with ASD get the needed social skills interventions and by a certain point can function better socially than kids with ADHD who were not getting social help despite deficits).

As parents I think we need to alas ask ourselves

1.) Is my reluctance to accept a label about my child's needs or about my ego

2.) Am I doing the best I can t get my child the services he/she needs to thrive or even just manage?

3.) Am I accepting my child for who he/she is or for what his/her actual needs are?

[/quote]

So I understand that people wanted to give your kid an ASD label that you didn't and don't think is right.  But I just want to say to any parents who are new to all of this and coming here for our wisdom that "don't let anyone tell you your kid has autism if you don't think so" can be a very dangerous message.  Sure, mistakes are made in diagnosis.  But here's the thing.  "No, it can't be autism" is the first reaction of A LOT of parents, particularly of "high-functioning" / Aspergers kids, because the spectrum is incredibly diverse and there are so very many misconceptions about it.  The fact that your kid is really smart, and affectionate, and funny, and empathetic, and has "theory of mind," or whatever, does not actually mean that he or she is not autistic.  Most of the time, resisting the diagnosis based on what you think you know about autism is a mistake.  So by all means inform yourself, but don't think it can't be true just because your kid is great, and very capable.  Aspies are great, and capable--just challenged in particular ways.  I was with some other parents last night and, seeing our kids play together, one of them said "I love our people."  I feel the same way.  Frankly, I now find neurotypical kids kind of boring.

And also please don't think that an ASD diagnosis is going to be some kind of scarlet letter.  It will unlock lots of services for your kid.  It will introduce him or her to an identity and a community that the various alphabet soup diagnoses will not.  The interventions, if you choose the right ones, are all functional--aimed at teaching your kid things he doesn't know or can't do.  OT, PT, speech therapy.  And there are Aspies at just about every elite private school anywhere, and all elite colleges.

There is a place for skepticism but acceptance is very, very important.  For you and your child.

It's not ego. It's the fact that mislabeled children rarely get the help they need.

It's much, much tougher to go in and fight against the grain. It's so much easier to roll over and let them label your child with whatever suits their purpose.

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