Reply to Taking the plunge (adoption)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - you say the older one only has SN issues that you can handle.  But I guarantee you, the child will have some sort of attachment issues. Read up on attachment before you take any further steps in the process.

Signed, 
Someone who's been dealing with this for 3 years and probably would have lost my mind without a supportive spouse[/quote]

I have. It's hard to say what degree of attachment or attachment issues any adopted child will have. I've read about attachment theory and ways to help fix attachment issues. I also looked up attachment therapists in my area.

I think the stereotype that all older adopted children will have RAD is inaccurate and tends to make people fear adopting older children. [/quote]

PP here. It doesn't have to be full blown RAD to suck very, very badly. My kid doesn't have RAD, but it is still hard. You have your head in the sand. [/quote]

Where exactly did I say that it was going to be easy? I admitted that I know it will be challenging. There's no such thing as adopting a child and having an instant flawless bond. [/quote]
I think you are giving the impression that because you have read a few books and blogs, you think you have it all under control. What people are trying to tell you is that, if you truly understood how hard this is, you would not consider adopting tow unrelated special needs kids at the same time, especially as a single parent.
Signed,
a single mom who did a special needs adoption
[/quote]

I was trying to clarify that I'm not going into this blind (or naive!).[b] I've wanted to adopt since I was a teenager, I've read books and blogs and articles and known and talked to many families who have adopted. I admitted that I know it will be challenging but it's something that I've always wanted to do. [/b]

I also don't have to adopt two at once, those were two children that stuck out to me and whether I adopt one or both is still up in the air.

Your post came across a bit snide. My head is not in the sand. My head is out of the sand and I'm exploring whether to sit around until I'm an unmarried old maid or go ahead and start the process now. [/quote]

But why is it "something you have always wanted to do"?

Adoption isn't something you do. Adoption is a choice you make to build a family and parent a child.  Notwithstanding special needs, adoption brings with it challenges and losses for the child.  So even a non special needs child is going to have questions and issues surrounding adoption whether they voice those issues to you or not.

Whether you can admit it or not, you are viewing adoption as a way to save a child or thinking you are gifting the child something. 
[/quote]

No rescue complex here. I'm not even wanting to adopt for religious reasons. I know adoption involves a grieving process for the child.

Why do you have such a negative perception about adoption and why are you trying to put words and thoughts into my mouth? Pretty sure I asked for anti adoption folks not to chime in in the very first post. [/quote]

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