Reply to Divorcing : what to tell kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, we just told the kids we were breaking up and they said "like divorce?' and we agreed. We listed all the things that would stay the same, and then explained what would be different. They were happy because we fought a lot and weren't happy together.

[b]Don't tell them what their father has done until they're college aged.[/b] [/quote]

Unless they explicitly ask, I wouldn't tell them even then. No matter how old children are, it is never appropriate to badmouth their other parent to them.[/quote]

I think there is a difference between telling the truth and badmouthing:

Your dad made some bad choices that were hurtful to me and we couldn't stay married, but we will always love you and always be a family.

That lying POS was the worst thing that every happened to me, that loser whore got what she deserved when she hooked up with him.

As my therapist explained it, when you give kids a fake version of events that completely sanitizes the situation, it doesn't allow them to process their emotions and can lead them to blame themselves for this secret thing that happened that they don't really understand.[/quote]

I have a parent who cheated and is now married to the OW, and I'm glad I know.  If I didn't, I would have a really tough time making sense of our greater family dynamic.  When I finally found out, it was a big relief to finally have things out in the open.  I would resent it if either parent kept me in the dark now that I am an adult.  When I was younger, the story was kept from me not to protect me, but to cause me to be more cooperative and accept the OW into my life for the convenience of the adults.  That is very manipulative and I resent my parents for doing so.  I found out on my own and was livid at all of them for a long time.[/quote]

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