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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - you say the older one only has SN issues that you can handle.  But I guarantee you, the child will have some sort of attachment issues. Read up on attachment before you take any further steps in the process.

Signed, 
Someone who's been dealing with this for 3 years and probably would have lost my mind without a supportive spouse[/quote]

I have. It's hard to say what degree of attachment or attachment issues any adopted child will have. I've read about attachment theory and ways to help fix attachment issues. I also looked up attachment therapists in my area.

I think the stereotype that all older adopted children will have RAD is inaccurate and tends to make people fear adopting older children. [/quote]

PP here. It doesn't have to be full blown RAD to suck very, very badly. My kid doesn't have RAD, but it is still hard. You have your head in the sand. [/quote]

Where exactly did I say that it was going to be easy? I admitted that I know it will be challenging. There's no such thing as adopting a child and having an instant flawless bond. [/quote]
I think you are giving the impression that because you have read a few books and blogs, you think you have it all under control. What people are trying to tell you is that, if you truly understood how hard this is, you would not consider adopting tow unrelated special needs kids at the same time, especially as a single parent.
Signed,
a single mom who did a special needs adoption
[/quote]

SO, its ok you adopted a special needs child but its not ok for OP.  OP was looking for support and encouragement not attacks.[/quote]
I am not attacking her. And, if you read carefully, you would see t hat I adopted one. And it is way more challenging than I could have imagined. I am advising her not to adopt two at a time.
And I have to say one of the things that drives me crazy about adoption discussions is that people think the only way you support someone is by telling them exactly what they want to hear. Blind cheerleading is not real support. Sharing experiences, hoping people learn from those who have come before them - that is support.[/quote]

You are being overly negative and yes, that is discouraging.  To tell her to be prepared in terms of child needing tutoring, OT, Speech, therapy and more and make sure she can afford the costs is one thing but a few (or one person) is going a bit overboard.

We adopted and were told no special needs.  Our child has significant special needs to the point I cannot work due to all the therapy. [b] Its a real concern but its life and no different than if I gave birth.[/b]  Fortunately I was in a position to do so.  I'd rather know up front to be prepared than what happened to us.[/quote]

Actually, it is different. Much different.  If you had given birth, there were many, many factors you would have had control over - genetics, prenatal care, nutrition, early bonding.

And pre adoptive parents need to hear the negatives.  What so often happens is that adoptive parents bring home kids and then it doesn't end up being all sweet and happy and they don't get cute pictures like all the blogging mommies do.  It's hard, it's lonely, it's challenging and sometimes very costly.

I am all for single women adopting, I did it myself but I actually don't support single moms adopting 2 children at once.  The thing is OP is just being very naive and cavalier.  Her attitude is more of being a savior.  Seeing cute pictures and being drawn to them is one thing but actually bringing home a 6 yr old child with a personality, thoughts and ideas of his own is a big undertaking.

Image for a minute your own child.  What if tomorrow, he/she had to suddenly leave the only home they ever knew and go all the way to China with adults who were strangers and don't even speak English.  How scared do you think your child would be?  Would your child miss their home? you?  Would your child cry?  Would they panic?  Would they withdraw?  Now on top of that the child has some medical issues that need attention.  [/quote]

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