Reply to Update: New nephews not fitting into family dynamic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your problem OP is that you are trying to beat around the bush and hint at things in some effort to be 'nice' or smooth things over.

What you and your husband really need to do is just set boundaries and then enforce them without it becoming emotional. You treat this situation like you do with toddlers.

To the boys: "We love you, but the behavior you've shown is unacceptable in family situations.  We would love to have you join our family activities when you demonstrate that you can behave properly."

To your SIL: "We love you and your children and I'm sure dealing with your boys behavior is very difficult.  We are happy to help support you in enforcing rules of behavior, however in the meantime we may need to limit the boy's participation in certain family activities if they can't behave properly."

To your BIL: "We love you and support you and know that you are in a difficult position. We welcome suggestions for how to navigate this situation that work for everyone. Please let us know if there are things we can do to help you with the boys.  We would love to include them again when they are able to behave."

[/quote]

She should never talk to the boys like that. That is the role of a parent, not a step-aunt-in-law![/quote]

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