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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm so sorry.  It's so scary to feel like someone other than yourself.

I'm not sure if you've responded about the magnesium deficiency - - have you tried that?  Pregnancy really does strip you of magnesium stores.  It could help.

A dear friend of mine had crippling anxiety attacks out of nowhere starting almost two years ago.   They got so bad that she had to be hospitalized numerous times and ended up going on disability.   The hospital put her on some pretty scary doses of benzos just to keep her from losing her mind entirely, but they made her a total zombie.  After many, many trials and errors of med combos, the one that has worked magic is old fashioned tried and true lithium.  A really low dose.  Nothing else.  She's off all benzos now.

Lithium is not as scary as it sounds.  You can even get really low doses that are found naturally in water in some areas of the country -- areas that report fewer violent crimes, fewer suicides, etc...probably because most people are happier with a tiny dose of natural mood stabilizer in their systems.  Here's a thing in the NYT about it:

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/14/opinion/sunday/should-we-all-take-a-bit-of-lithium.html?_r=0

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