Reply to S/O Reality of marriage for late 30s woman

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like clinical depression. If a DH had posted such a 180 from his wife after a child most here would say PPD. His is obviously not hormonal, but I would bet this major life event, which he I'm sure realizes he was not up to the challenge of, has gotten him off the rails.

Suggest he see his pcp to discuss an anti-depressant.

I'm sorry things have turned this way for you OP. You seem really sweet[/quote]

OP here and I do wonder if he is clinically depressed.  The only thing is that he cheers up real quick whenever I do the chores without complaint.  As soon as I have finished vacuuming and have something baking or simmering on the stove, he virtually skips around the clean house and asks what's for dinner with a grin.  Clinical depression is not so easily lifted, so I feel as if [b]clinical laziness[/b] is the problem here.  He was raised by a stay at home mom who did all but wipe his ass for him.  While he expressed disdain for that kind of lifestyle before we had a child, he now seems to be trying to settle into a role in which I wait on him hand and foot like mommy did.  That is where a lot of my feelings of being tricked come from.  If I had married a man who never pulled his own weight, that would be one thing.  The fact, however, is that being equal partners and sharing both the chores and financial burdens was something we agreed on and implemented prior to having a child.[/quote]

Haha OP I love that!  I'm the PP you are responding to here and you may be on to something.  While he may still have some depression, and it is worth discussing w his PCP, maybe he is mostly taking you for granted.  You should read him the story of the Little Red Hen

One thing when you have a type A with a type B, or even just a neat person vs a slob, is have a formal chores chart, with rewards for completing all tasks and penalties for not doing so.  You can get creative with it, but he needs to know it is a problem that threatens the marriage if it doesn't change.

For the fitness aspect, can you find a gym with childcare so you both can go?

As far as work/income, he doesn't have that drive in his nature; maybe suggest he find work doing what he loves; at least then you will admire the effort he puts into it, since either way his income is going to lag.

Seriously I'm pullling for you, and am glad you aren't just bailing;  I doubt you would have trouble finding someone,[b] but as someone whose mom left a lazy dad,[/b] I sure wish he could have gotten his shit together.  I hope your husband will.
 [/quote]

What happened to your dad after they split?  Did he step up and do what he had to?  [/quote]

Unfortunately no.  He kind of disappeared, never paid child support, saw him every few christmases.  The good thing is I had crazy drive to succeed just so I wouldn't be like him (maybe too much).  I am also a much better father and (hopefully) husband, because I never want my family to go through what I did.  I was 8 or 9 when it happened, messed me up quite a bit; my brother was 4 and never even missed him, fwiw.[/quote]

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