Reply to Sending "recovered" ASD kid to college

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP - [b]We've decided to send her to college, and let her fall on her ass if it comes to that. I'm doing everything I can to prevent that, but I don't think keeping her at home will help anything. She's super-smart, got very high grades, test scores, stellar recommendations, etc. in high school, where she functioned pretty well. She's also a varsity athlete.
[/b]  This is obviously what you and DH are saying in sheer frustration and would not wish on anyone.

a- Given the short window to when she will be on a college campus, I would try to find a psychiatrist or psychologist if appropriate to do a screening for much more common mental health discorders of anxiety and/or depression.  One focuses so much time and effort within the structure of the family, academic classes and activities to get to college and then falls apart for whatever reason when one finds the life they have known is gone.

b-It is very good that she has signed the FERPA document so do keep abreast of all the dates of withdrawal, drop or requesting an incomplete - anything that might need to be done to take building pressure off of DD and yourselves??

c- [b]I still would consider the impact DD might have on an unsuspecting roommate so if you choose not to try for a single, if you see she is flaming out in the dorm situation, please try as early as possible to do so for medical reasons[/b]   No matter how you try to disregard,  this incoming student's first semester in college is very likely not to be what she expected at all.  I do think you should still try to go for a single for the semester.

[b]d- If your daughter is bright, it will do her no favors to let her fail academically.......[/b]

e- You and DH, too, need to see a counselor to get advice on how to deal with the possible tumultuous weeks ahead, especially if there are siblings in the family.
[/quote]

I don't agree with this AT ALL. OP's daughter doesn't recognize that she isn't planning well or handling her own stuff well. She doesn't want to accept help from her parents. She probably doesn't want to go to therapy.  If she is allowed to go out and try college this fall, she will either succeed or fail. If she succeeds, then OP was worried about nothing and the kid was right. If she fails, then she will see that her plan wasn't working and she will have incentive to find a new plan. She will learn to pick herself up, dust herself off and learn how to do it right.

You have to let your adult children go, people. They have to be allowed to try things on their own, even if they sometimes land on their butts. Failure is critical to success. If you never allow your kids to fail, then they are never going to learn to succeed on their own. [/quote]

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